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狗狗翻的又一段...大家请指教..找找错

狗狗翻的又一段...大家请指教..找找错

                   一如往常般轻易,这位盗贼再次潜入男爵的府邸.他轻轻一个小跳从隔壁的窗户窜上这座府邸的围墙,紧接着跃落庭院,悄无声息的隐入最高大的树后.数周前他就在这里小心安置了一根隐蔽的绳索.他用这根绳索从一侧攀爬至阁楼附近的一间空房.装了复杂的锁的窗户被他一触即开.他从这个房间一个锁着的柜子里取出他事先存放的作案工具,迅速潜入顶楼的走廊,蹑手蹑脚地靠近巡视这条幽暗寂静走廊的守卫.守卫停下来检查楼梯间的门,发现锁的很稳妥就转身离开.然而他没有发现,有一个黑影用本应该在他腰带上的钥匙打开门,毫无声息的下楼去了.盗贼一路下行,住在3楼的男爵正熟睡着,并没有察觉这个入侵者,2楼的仆人们正在自己的房间轻声交谈,而绝大多数的守卫正在底楼巡逻.终于,他到达了地窖的这一层.在楼梯间的底层,他透过钥匙眼观察守卫们的位置.然后悄悄的翻开楼梯后的一个栅栏.无声地坠入下水道.最后,盗贼来到地窖正下方,他推开另一个栅栏爬了上去.现在,在这个只有一个火把的火光照明的小屋子里他一个人站在一大堆金银财宝前.黄金,白银,青铜散发的光芒在这个屋子辉映折射,使他觉得身体麻木僵硬.于是他犯了这晚第一个错误,当他弯腰去抓取离他最近的金币时,他绊倒了.The thief had gotten into the mansion just as easily as he had on many an occasion. An agile leap from a neighboring window to the mansion抯 guard walls, then a quick stride across the wall to the courtyard, a silent leap into the tallest tree, then, using a carefully concealed rope he抎 set up there weeks ago, he scaled the mansion抯 side to a vacant room near the attic. The window had opened easily at his touch, belying the complex lock that had once existed there. Once into the room, where he had stashed his tools of the trade in a locked chest, he had quickly moved into the hallways of the upper floors and stalked the guard who patrolled the dark, silent hallway. The guard had paused to check the stairwell door, and seeing it properly locked, turned away down the hall, never noticing the dark shadow that unlocked the door with the key now missing from his belt and moved without even a whisper onto the stairs. He had proceeded downwards past the third floor, where the Baron slept unaware of the intru der, past the second floor where the servants gossiped quietly in their chambers, past the main floor where the majority of the guards patrolled, and finally into the dungeons and vaults below. At the bottom of the stairwell, he had paused to stare through the keyhole to check the guards?positions, and then he had quietly moved aside a grate hidden behind the staircase and dropped soundlessly into the sewers beneath the mansion. Finally, he had stood directly below the vault and pushed open the grate. Now he stood alone before a vast pile of gold and treasure in a small chamber lit with a single torch. He had been frozen in awe of the sheer beauty of the gold, silver and bronze colors reflecting throughout the room. And then he had made his first mistake of the evening. He stumbled as he stooped to snatch up the nearest coins.
            拜托大家找一下哪里有什么不妥^^

谢谢
            en,偶来找茬,hoho smile.gif

1)The window had opened easily at his touch, belying the complex lock that had once existed there
装了复杂的锁的窗户被他一触即开.

最好有个转折的意思在里面, 尽管锁很复杂,他也能一触即开

2)He had been frozen in awe of the sheer beauty of the gold, silver and bronze colors reflecting throughout the room.
黄金,白银,青铜散发的光芒在这个屋子辉映折射,使他觉得身体麻木僵硬

这里in awe of the sheer beauty 好象没有体现出来
            e....这个 in awe of 不知道怎么翻比较好=.=

所以偶就把他忽略了=.=

=.=谁可以帮忙解决一下
            这样子怎么样:
在满屋子黄金,白银和青铜发出的光芒的耀眼照射下,他震惊地连身子也僵住了。

另外,最好在描述盗贼的连续动作的句子之间加上一些联结词,比如然后,接着,跟着,这样子比较符合中文阅读习惯。
                   谢谢...对了..我好像把sheer beauty也漏了..要不要加进去呢
            一如往常般轻易,这位盗贼再次潜入男爵的府邸.先是轻轻一个小跳从隔壁的窗户窜上这座府邸的围墙,紧接着跃落庭院,悄无声息的隐入最高大的树后.数周前他就在这里小心安置了一根隐蔽的绳索.凭着这根绳索他从一侧攀爬至阁楼附近的一间空房.虽然窗上装了复杂的锁,然而他还是轻易的打开了窗户.在这个房间一个锁着的柜子里盗贼事先存放了需要的作案工具,他取出后迅速潜入顶楼的走廊,然后蹑手蹑脚地靠近巡视这条幽暗寂静走廊的守卫.守卫停下来检查了一下楼梯间的门,发现锁的很稳妥,就转身离开.然而守卫没有发现,有一个黑影用本应该在他腰带上的钥匙打开门,毫无声息的下楼去了.这盗贼一路下行,住在3楼的男爵正熟睡着,当然没有察觉这个入侵者,盗贼沿途听见2楼的仆人们正在自己的房间里轻声交谈,并且窥探到绝大多数的守卫正在底楼巡逻.最后,他到达了地窖这层.在楼梯间的底层,盗贼透过钥匙眼观察守卫们的位置.然后悄悄的翻开楼梯后的一个栅栏.无声地坠入下水道.不多久,盗贼来到地窖正下方,他推开另一个栅栏爬了上去.现在,他一个人站在这个只有一个火把的火光照明的小屋子里,面前堆满了金银财宝.黄金,白银.青铜的光华在屋中流转弥漫,散发着本身近乎纯粹的美丽,盗贼震惊地连身体都僵硬了.于是他犯了这晚第一个错误,当他弯腰去捡取离他最近的金币时,他绊倒了.

谢谢大家帮忙.狗狗修改了一下...再看看.是否好些了.有没有新的不当的地方
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