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塔希里亚故事集中译英(转)各位达人帮忙指正

塔希里亚故事集中译英(转)各位达人帮忙指正

吴淼的帖子http://bfclan.catrat.net/index.php?showtopic=22098&st=1100&#entry365779
邪恶熊猫的无责任翻译

文中的叔叔一概意译翻成mister.
菲尔迪斯 - Ferridis
加斯帕尔 - Casper

契约

Covenant - collected tales of Tarhiliar

In the First Age, "The Age of Chaos", Devils, like their colleagues in the material plane, were frenzily collecting human souls.

So all I need to do is to put down a hand print?

Yes, do that and your father will not perish in sickness.

Then when are you coming to take my soul?

No no no, I am not taking your soul.

Only when you are dead, then your soul will belong to me.

What do you want to do with my soul?

This is a very complex question, if we collect more souls......

then the power we can exert in this world will be stronger than those from heaven.

I know it is difficult to understand, but these matters are no concern to you....

Yes, I just hope papa can live. (熊猫按, 此处不用father是因为小孩子的口吻用papa比较合适。)

Thats great, my son....

Then as of this moment, this covenant is in power. (熊猫按,意译in power 比in effect更好)

Papa is well now?

Not so hurry my son, tomorrow his fever will fade; one more night of sleep and he can leave the bed.

Actually....how to say this.....

This covenant follows the rules, but......

Mister? Do you want to break your promise?

Of course not, my son, promise to us is above all else.

But I am afreaid that after you are dead, those in heaven will use their power.......

to take you away from us!

Why?

Why? Their usual excuse is.....

En, this lamb is lost because of his good intention.....

Let us redeem this poor soul!

As if human kind doesn't know how to make their own choices!

Then, without any due process, voids our covenant.

But why don't they help us when we are alive?

Why don't they help my Papa?

Good words, my son. Do you know, I have this strange feeling.

You and I, our relationships shall be more than just a covenant.

I like you.

Listen, I am going to give you another covenant.

But I don't have anything left to give you.

You don't have to give me anything, this is actually an attachment to guarantee the last covenant.

Our terms are: You can have influence and power in the world.

You can become a legendary hero, an indefeatible wizard, an unriivaled King.

You can easily become who you want to be.

And all you have to do is to give me a promise.

What promise?

After you sign this covenant, you can no longer love anyone.

And if you love anyone, all that power you have will be lost.

Then this second covenant shall duely cease.

I......don't understand?

You don't have to understand, it is all garbabe on this attachment. Its only ues is:

Once someone signed it, then it means he and those in heaven are on opposite tracks.

Then they have no reason to help him voiding the first covenant. Do you understand?

Then my papa......little brother and little sister......

I know what you mean. Don't worry, I won't count those you love before you sign the covenant.

You can continue take care of them, love them.

Outside of work, we are very understandable.

If I have influence, can Papa not pay tax to the Duke?

If this is what you wanted, then before you love someone else, it is not hard to do.

If I don't love anyone else, my family can always live a life with bread and milk, is it?

Wait a mintue, my son, you are getting too narrow minded.

I said this attachment is just a cover.

Over your history, there were men mad for it. They all believe they can control their own feelings.

In the end, they only have maddening regrets, and endless pain.

What I want to clarify is: This is absolutely not our intention.

To have nothing is suffering, but to have something then lost it is doubly so.

Can I only love my family from now on?

Listen carefully. A poor life makes you more mature than the children of your age.

But a child still. You life has just begun.

There are too many wonderful things in this world you haven't met.

The most beautiful and the most dangerous is love, no one escapes love.

Even the coldest and the craziest man kneel before it!

Mama wants me to be a strong man......to take care of my family.

Believe me, my son. You already are.

But not enough.....

We respect those willing to give themselves to change fate!

They are more worthy to happiness than those who pray and waiting for others handouts.

So I wish for you a happy life.

Remember, don't overuse the power we give you. You have to know when to stop.

Only then you will not lose much in the future.

You family will survive the famine, and one day you will grow up!

You will meet a girl who will change your destiny.

You will lose much, but remember, those weren't meant for you in the first place.

And compare to love they are nothing.

This sword is my gift to you. If you need help, use it to summon me.

But you also said, mister, your covenant are all powerful.

If I really did it, what would happen?

At first I thought........

You are different.......

You want the sad lonely path? Okay, if you can do it!

Then whatever you pursued in life will come to its apex in your life.....

because your heart was never corrupted by love, these power

will be even stronger, and we will accept you into immortality!

You will even be an exsitence higher than I am. Are you satisfied?

That is how this covenant is, the harsher the terms, the more in returns.

This is what I should have said, but strangely, I very much don't want to tell you.

Mister, thank you. I will accept both covenant.

You are the first one willing to help us. Thank you....

I know what I have to do now.

Then my son, I wish you happiness.

Good bye.

It is done.

Covenant......

Begins.......

In Power......

Dimension door.....

Opens.....

Mister

?amazing.gif

Mister, I have completed your covenant.

You.....

I have never loved anyone else. Is it right? Mister?

Can I ...... Let my family.....

To live a life without worrying about cloth and food?

Your command! Is my destiny!

Seventy years after the Ferridis Brother and Sister found the Casper Empire, human were finally united. A chaotic time was ended.....

The Devils welcomed their seventh Lord of the Abyss, and also a covenant amendment "Covenant for Soul, Rule 46542, Attache 21, Exemption Clause for Children. Unable to assess Risk. Summarily banned for use indefinitely...... Effective immediately, "

In the remainant of Casper Empire, there are still those who research on the covenants used by the devils, and formed a new school of magic.....the covenant school. The members of this school are seldomly seen, but they clearly stated their refusal to join the Spell and Magic Alliance of the Rainbow City.

After the end of The Age of Chaos, the Gods with the Imperial Dominance of Casper began the Second Age of Tarhilia - "The Age of Gods". After that, very few men ever saw the Devils again.

术法不会翻,有哪个dnd高手跟偶讲讲两者分别的。

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意见如下:

魔鬼的契约似乎应该是contract,不过问题不大。

“疯狂地搜集灵魂”不要直接翻译为frenzy的词根……这里应该取“渴求”的意思。

好象人类不懂得如何选择似的
As if human kind doesn't know how to make their own choices!
直接用mankind即可,用mortals更好,does改为never

void不能做动词吧,此处用ingoring引导句子即可

你能获得的力量you will have而不是can,这里不是强调“能力”

背道而驰“are on opposite tracks.”改为 in the opposite direction/roads

工作之外我们很讲人情 considerate 不是understandable

我们尊敬那些 We respect those who give themselves....

This is what I should have said, but strangely, I very much don't want to tell you.
改为 That's what i should have told you, but how strangely, just now i was not willing to...

Your Command! My Destiny!或者Your command is my destiny

立即生效 Immediately take effect

术法同盟:Alliance of wizards and sorcerers

直接refuse to join即可,不用那么麻烦。
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总体来说,作者精神可嘉,但是语法和拼写错误太多,而且Chinglish太多,我认为作者应该是高中生或者大学低年级在读,恩恩。不过身为豺狼的首席翻译顾问,恩恩,我很高兴看到有人替我做苦力……继续努力!

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谢谢指正 我再贴到龙空去 不知为啥bfclan那里常常进不去
在龙空出没的kw熊猫目前正在帮吴淼翻成英文,打算向国外论坛推荐这个系列
大家有兴趣就到吴淼的帖子里帮忙吧

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楼主,听我说一句,在得到作者授权翻译之前还是不要乱转贴比较好,翻译这活儿属于再创作,虽然你们没有用于商业目的,但是也要保证质量……

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拜托一下啦
我到今天始终未觉得自己的作品够水准放到国外去…………
就好像我不会接收老外写的武侠一样
何况我没到这水平,自己是有数的:)
所以,要翻随各位兴趣:)但是不要“贴到我的图上”贴到国外去,国内也不要啦:)
就好像要把一只苍蝇扔到台风去试飞一样,放过我吧。
中国的跑团爱好者自己看看自娱自乐,就行了

Doggy the Goblin是本人的英文指导:)
以前也曾经合作过,有需要,我会麻烦他:)所以……各位的好意我心领了。


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