再来,再来,Impossible Circumstance(3)
太好了!贴出第一章的时候还以为真的要被踢出去的说(虽然我已做好了心理准备)这是第三章,Kylin竟然把第四章也贴上去了！我的第五章可能会慢一些，要天天去打工的说，唉！不过我们会努力的，大家多多发表意见！！:p <br> <br>第三章<br> <br> "怀...怀孕了?!"Aragron的笑容凝固在脸上,"你在开玩笑,你*是*在*开*玩*笑,对..对对..对吧?"<br> Legolas对着他无奈的皱起眉头,"我并没有开玩笑,...这是唯一行的通的解释...我怀孕了,这是事实,如今生米已煮成熟饭..."<br> "好,好,这我们了解!"Frodo叫道,"但,但是..*你*是怎么怀孕的呢?"<br> "这个...Frodo,我原以为以你的年纪应该在生理卫生课上学过了....这个..关于...首先.."Legolas准备开始一场怀孕知识函授讲座.<br> "不是的!"Frodo飞快的打断了已渐入状态的Legolas."我当然知道这个....只是...只是不是应该是...雌性的那一方..怀..怀孕的吗?"<br> "常理来说的确是这样...但我~似乎~~不幸的~~成了个~~例~外~~"Legolas声音颤抖,充满了讽刺.感谢他的情绪波动!!!<br> "OK,这听起来可能是有些不对头,但是朋友们,"Pippin说道,他刚刚忍痛割爱,把自己已满是鼻涕眼泪的外衣丢到了离营地尽可能最远的角落里,"那...孩子的..孩子他爸是谁?或者...是妈妈...,或者...恩...这种事至少需要两个人吧,你,..你们知道的...如果想要孩子的话...我想说的是...你知道..Legolas你确确实实是一个....*雄*性呀,我...只是想知道...另一个人是..."<br> Legolas呻吟着耷拉着头,"我不知道他是否想让你们都知道,"他咕哝着.<br> "*他*??!!"Gimli,Boromir,Merry和Pippin大叫道.随之不解的望着依然保持平静的一对霍比特人以及...剩下的一个人类."你们难道没什么反应吗?Frodo,Sam?"<br> Frodo耸耸肩,"我是gay,这对我来说一点也不值得大惊小怪."<br> "彼此彼此."Sam接着.<br> "那为什么我也没有想象中应该的那么奇怪呢?"Merry紧张的问.<br> "因为这太太....太太..太明显了,天啊!"Pippin朝着他的头一技重拳.<br> Boromir转向了Aragron,一连邪恶的媚笑,"那你呢,Aragron,你为什么没有反应呢?"<br> Legolas插进来,"我想...也许他需要点儿时间来接受这个事实,我们来等待吧,大约需要5,4,3,2...." <br> "阿*尔*温*会*宰*了*我*的*"Aragron的声音因为恐惧而变的不正常.<br> "看见了吧?"Legolas说道,还是坐在A的身边没有要移动的意思.<br> 其他的魔戒队员如今只剩下张着大大的眼睛和嘴巴盯着他们两个的份了.<br> "当然,刚才Aragron说的那短短的一句话翻译成中文实际上是这样的....他真正想说的是'我非常高兴Legolas怀孕了,而且,千真万确,我就是孩子的父亲,我现在很关心我那尚未出世的孩子',"Legolas自我安慰的说着,转向Aragron,然后他用尽全身的力量...猛击向Aragron的肚子...<br> "你这天煞的!!!是你对我做了这个!!!"Legolas一边哭叫着一边对Aragron拳脚相加,可怜的人类蜷成了一团,不愿意因为任何抵抗而伤害了怀了孕的Legolas.<br> 几分钟后,魔戒队的其他队员一致决定Aragron已经得到了他应得的报应,这才不是很温柔的把Legolas从那个已经在重重重击之下不成样子的身体(尸体?)上拉开了.<br> "噢~~~"Arogron终于可以展开身体仰面躺下来,"疼痛...伤口....到处都是....噢~~~~~"<br> 其他的人互相耸耸肩,为他扯过一块毯子:以他现在的能力,这冈多的国王是无论如何也爬不到他的床所在的位置了.--然后大家决定去睡觉.<br> 20分钟后,Legolas"唰"的坐起来,环视四周,他很快找到了目标(精灵的眼睛嘛),并爬向他...<br> "Merry,快醒醒!"Legolas试图把可怜的霍比特人摇醒.<br> "什么?!?!"Merry在半梦半醒中答道.<br> "我饿了,你是最好的厨师,给我做点儿吃的吧."Legolas的口气不容质疑.<br> "别开玩笑了."Merry并没有理会,然后又躺回去,用毯子盖住自己的头.<br> "求你了,Merry,求求你了,我快饿死了~~"Legolas发出悲鸣.<br> "*好*吧*"Merry边扯下毯子边不情愿的喊着,"你这家伙要吃什么?"如果你问我的话,这是Merry犯下的一个严重的错误!<br> "恩...所有的.我想要蘑菇,熏肉,鸡蛋,最好再来点面包,噢.你有豌豆吗?或者..胡萝卜?没有吗?...那洋葱呢?...."<br> 最后,Legolas在一餐之内就吃光了魔戒队所有的最好的食物储备.最让我们可怜的Merry失望的是,他竟然一点儿也没有让这个帮了大忙的小霍比特人分享.<br> "你真是够朋友,Merry,谢谢!"Legolas说着向着自己的床走去,手里还攥着两块熏肉三明治和一个苹果.<br> 在享受过他的三明治和苹果后,Legolas终于又能进入梦乡了.他的梦中发生了许多事情,像在自己没有丝毫受伤的情况下痛杀Orcs,还有,斩了那个对他犯下这一切的Aragron,这该死的人类!!<br>（待序）<br><br><!--emo&:D--><img src='http://localhost/ipb/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> 下面是原文：<br>"Pregnant?!" Aragorn laughed, "You're joking! You *are* joking, arent <br>you?"<br><br>Legolas scowled at him, "I'm not joking, it's the only possible <br>answer... I'm pregnant, knocked up, up the duff, got a bun in the <br>oven..."<br><br>"Okay, okay, we get the picture!" Frodo said, "But how?"<br><br>"Well Frodo, I would have thought at your age you knew about the birds <br>and the bees, but here goes..." started Legolas.<br><br>"No!" Frodo quickly stopped Legolas from going into detail, "I know <br>about the birds and the bees... but isnt it usually the female ones <br>that end up preggers?" he asked.<br><br>"That was the theory... unfortunately, it seems I am the exception to <br>all the rules!" Legolas was on a roll, full on sarcastic mode, thanks <br>to the mood swings.<br><br>"Okay, this is gonnae sound wrong, but hey," Pippin started, having <br>removed his snot covered jacket and placed it at the furthest side of <br>the camp, "Who's the father? Or Mother... or, uhm... well, there's <br>gotta be two people to, y'know, in order to get up the duff, so to <br>speak... and, y'know, what with you being a guy n'all, I was wunderin' <br>who the other person is..."<br><br>Legolas groaned and hung his head, "I dont know if he'd want you all to <br>know," he mumbled.<br><br>"HE?!" Gimli, Boromir, Merry and Pippin exclaimed, before turning to <br>the oddly quiet pair of Hobbits and other Human. "No reaction, Frodo? <br>Sam?"<br><br>Frodo shrugged, "I'm gay; it doesnt phase me."<br><br>"Same here," added Sam.<br><br>"Why arent I surprised?" asked Merry.<br><br>"Because it was soooooo obvious, eejit!" Pippin clouted him across the <br>head with his hand.<br><br>Boromir then turned to Aragorn with an evil smirk, "What about you <br>Aragorn, whats your excuse for not reacting?"<br><br>Legolas butted in, "I think he'll react once it's finally sunk in... in <br>about, 5, 4, 3, 2..."<br><br>"ARWEN'S GONNA KILL ME!" Aragorn cried out in horror.<br><br>"See?" said Legolas, still unmoving from his seat on the ground next to <br>Aragorn.<br><br>The rest of the fellowship turned to stare wide eyed, and mouths open, <br>like fly catchers.<br><br>"Of course, upon translation from 'Aragorn' to 'English' that little <br>line does lose some of it's flare... what he means is 'I'm very pleased <br>that Legolas is pregnant, and yes, thats right, I'm the father, and I <br>care so much for my unborn child'" Legolas remarked, as he turned to <br>Aragorn. Legolas then punched Aragorn in the stomach with all the <br>strength he could muster.<br><br>"You bastard! You did this to me!" Legolas cried out while punching and <br>kicking at Aragorn, whom had curled up in a ball, unwilling to <br>retaliate in fear of hurting the pregnant Legolas.<br><br>After a couple of minutes, the rest of the fellowship decided that <br>Aragorn had had what he deserved, and non-too-gently pulled Legolas off <br>his badly beaten body.<br><br>".... owww..." said Aragorn as he moved onto his back, "pain, hurts, <br>everywhere... owww..."<br><br>The rest of the group shrugged, and slung a blanket over him; he didnt <br>look like he would be able to make it to where his bed had been laid <br>out. They then decided to go to sleep for the night.<br><br>After about 20 minutes, Legolas sat bolt upright and looked around. He <br>soon spotted what he was after, and crawled over toward it.<br><br>"Merry! Wake up!" Legolas shook the poor Hobbit in an attempt to wake <br>him up.<br><br>"What?!?!" Merry cried out half asleep.<br><br>"I'm hungry, you're the best cook, make me something to eat," Legolas <br>ordered.<br><br>"Bog off," Merry replied, before lying back down, and pulling his <br>blanket over his head.<br><br>"Please Merry! Please! I'm starving here!!" Legolas whined.<br><br>"FINE!" Merry shouted, slinging the cover off him, "What d'ya want to <br>eat?" he asked. Worst mistake ever made, if you ask me.<br><br>"Well... everything, I want mushrooms, and bacon, and eggs, and some <br>bread to go with it, oh, and have you got any peas? Carrots? No? How <br>about onions...?"<br><br>In the end, Legolas ended up eating best part of the fellowship's <br>supplies in one meal, and much to the dismay of poor Merry, he didnt <br>let the helpful Hobbit have any of it.<br><br>"You're a great friend, Merry, thanks!" Legolas said, heading back to <br>his bedding with two bacon sandwiches, and an apple in his hands.<br><br>After Legolas had finally finished his bacon sandwiches and his apple, <br>he finally got to sleep, and drempt of various things, such as killing <br>Orcs, without being killed himself, and of killing Aragorn for what the <br>man had done to him. Damn humans. <b>太好了!贴出第一章的时候还以为真的要被踢出去的说(虽然我已做好了心理准备)这是第三章,Kylin竟然把第四章也贴上去了！</b><br>费铜大人原谅在下。因为当时自己也以为会被砍死，所以做了一下垂死挣扎，如果横竖都是死，就把目前翻译出来的都贴了吧，于是…… 重复以上文字n遍 先看了第四章，再翻回来看第三章……好处就是对任何内容都已经免疫了……-_- 呵呵…………呵呵…………<br><br>很搞笑！<br><br>为什么作饭的是Merry不是Sam？<br><br>小莱对食物的狂热真的是因为怀孕吗？？好象在无聊的时候也会很想吃诶……（那是虫子你吧！！！汗~~）<br><br>A大叔好可怜…………（注明：我不是在同情他！~~~~~~） 小莱迷是不会容忍的，建议二位大人出门带雨伞啊！汗~~~<br>不过很搞笑，有下文吗？？ 这个，到底是谁搞的？<br>外国人到底还是比我们“开放”………………<br>有没有下文了？ 我私下里觉得他会是个好父亲~~~~~~~~~~<br>莱莱的宝宝怎么看都会很可爱吧~~~~~~~<br>我记得大家讨论过这个"怀孕"的文章和问题的~<!--emo&;)--><img src='http://localhost/ipb/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo--> 谢谢各位大人,现在我和Kylin可算心力有些底了.只是现在真的没时间,我一定努力,拼死拼活在星期三在这里把第五章贴出来,欢迎各位大人到这看呀!!!<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://localhost/ipb/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> 第四章在哪里??????????????????? <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><i>原作者 莉莉斯 </i><br><b>第四章在哪里??????????????????? </b><!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--><br>第四章在Kylin的帖子里:D 在你的哪个帖子里? 大人。。这真是恶搞。。偶看得很不舒服。。。 <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><i>最初由 莉莉斯 发布</i><br><b>在你的哪个帖子里? </b><!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--><br>impossible circumstance(2)<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://localhost/ipb/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> <br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>RuRu大人，在下也是同谋，所以在这里也表示一下歉意。<br>K:塑料袋送大人？ <br>R:我用塑料袋把你憋死算了，省得贻害人间！<br>k：……（汗）页:
[1]