impossible circumstance 2
第二章在这里贴出了,由于是交替翻译,今后二,四,六章跟在这章贴下,一,三,五章就在费铜的贴那里。当初计划贴上来也有顾虑，的确是擦边，但因为太搞笑了，就忍不住翻了想让大伙见识见识外国人有多……BT。现在费铜和在下总共翻译了四章，还是都贴出来，如果的确是违法乱纪了，请毫不留情地删贴吧。但恶意还是没有的，大人们手里的东西也尽可以砸过来（注：新鲜食材的欢迎，建材的不要）。原文真的是很逗的，如果看者笑不出来完全是作为译者的在下的责任。英文高手请直接阅读原文。<br><br>Chapter 2<br><br>******<br>7 Weeks Later - Moria<br>******<br>"Blleeeerrrrggghhhh, yrreeeeccchhhhh," the sounds of Legolas throwing up echoed around the depths of Moria. The rest of the fellowship sat around covering their ears and grimacing that the disgusting sounds coming from the Elf.<br>"I don’t know what’s wrong with me," Legolas whimpered, finally sitting down after emptying the contents of his stomach behind a pillar in the great hall. "Elves don’t get sick," he said, starting to cry, "It's not fair," Legolas finally burst into tears, and grabbed hold of the nearest person - who happened to be Pippin.<br>This had been going on for the past few days - the backache, mood swings, and food cravings. If Legolas was a girl, the rest of the fellowship would have thought he was pregnant - but he was a man, no matter how girlish he looked, and therefore it would be impossible for him to be pregnant... right?<br>Gandalf had had enough of this, and decided to find out for himself. He was beginning to doubt the "only women can be pregnant" theory due to the Elven Prince's recent health crisis.<br>"Legolas," he said gently, so as not to trigger another mood swing (it seemed anything would trigger a reaction from him, be it violent of tearful), "Can I have a word with you?" Legolas nodded, and wiped his nose once more before getting up and letting go of Pippin. He walked off a short distance from the group with Gandalf.<br>"Legolas, I'm going to ask you some personal questions, tell me now if you don’t want me to," Gandalf told him.<br>"Ask away," Legolas said, while nodding for him to continue.<br>"Okay, firstly, when was the last time you had sex?"<br>Legolas blushed and mumbled something quietly.<br>"What was that?" Gandalf's hearing was pretty good all things considered, but no matter how good your hearing is, it's impossible to make out what an Elf says while mumbling.<br>"Seven weeks ago," Legolas stated again.<br>"With a man or a woman?" Gandalf asked.<br>"... a man," Legolas's eyes were studying the floor, avoiding Gandalf's piercing gaze.. The floor was quite nice actually, it was black, but had some little red, gold and silver flecks - maybe gem stones and precious metals? Hmmm, Gimli should have a look at this, really he should...<br>Gandalf nodded and stopped to think, and then spoke very slowly. "Do you think you could be pregnant?" he asked.<br>Legolas's eyes shot up in shock and stared at him for a split second. He then burst out laughing - hysterically, might I add. "No way!" and "Impossible!" were the only words distinguishable from the jumble of sentences entwined with the laughter.<br>He walked back to the rest of the group, and before long, sobs began to break through his hysterical laughter. He sat down next to Aragorn, still laughing.<br>"What’s so funny?" Aragorn asked, noting the hysterical tone and the occasional increasing amount of sobs mingled with the laughter.<br>"Gandalf thinks I'm pregnant!" Legolas let out another burst of laughter, before devolving into tears. Then, as soon as they started, both laughter and tears stopped. He was completely quiet.<br>"Oh fuck," he whispered as it dawned on him - it was the answer to his recent problems; the vomiting, the backache, the mood swings, the food cravings. Legolas groaned, and held his head in his hands.<br>"My father's gonna *KILL* me."<br>******<br><br><br>七周后，Moria<br><br>“呕~~~~~~~~~~~~~恶~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~”Legolas的呕吐之声回荡在山洞深处。难以想象如此“恐怖”的声音出自一位精灵之口，队中其他人在惊恐中面部抽搐地捂上了耳朵。<br>“真不知道我是怎么了，”清空了胃中全部内容后，Legolas悲痛地抱怨，“精灵从来不会生病的……为什么偏偏我会？！这不公平！”说着说着不觉悲从中来，紧抓住离他最近的人——这次倒霉的家伙是Pippin——这个荷比特人的衣服不幸成了面纸替代品。<br>这种状况已经持续好些天了：呕吐，背痛，情绪不稳以及对食物的强烈渴望。如果Legolas是个女孩，没人会怀疑他有喜了。但是，但是，他是男的——不管外表看来如何清秀——所以这理论上讲绝对应该的确是不可能的……吧？<br>Gandalf已经受够了，他决定自己找出真相。首先，由于这位精灵王子最近的健康危机，他已经开始质疑“只有女性才能够怀孕”这一理论了。<br>“Legolas，”巫师轻声唤道，以防触发另一场情绪失控（从最近经验来看，似乎没有什么不能激起这个精灵的剧烈反应，不是泪流成海就是火山爆发）“能和你说两句么？”Legolas点点头，向着离大家不远处的Gandalf那里走去。<br>“Legolas，我想问你几个私人问题，如果你不想回答现在就可以告诉我。”Gandalf慈祥地说。<br>“没事的，你问吧。”<br>“好……吧。首先，你最近一次，呃……那个什么是什么时候？”<br>Legolas的脸一下子红了，低头轻声喃喃自语了些什么。<br>“你说什么？”Gandalf的耳力已经相当好了，但不管你听力多强，要听清一个精灵的<br>低喃也是——不可能的。<br> “七……七周前。”<br> “女的还是，男的？”<br> “……男的。”Legolas的目光紧紧聚焦在地上，回避着巫师犀利的凝视……这地板真的不错，粗看之下是黑色，但仔细端详起来就会发现有红、金、银色的微斑镶嵌其中——也许是些宝石和珍贵的金属吧？Gimli真的该来瞧瞧……<br>Gandalf点了点头，沉吟片刻终于慢慢张口：“你……曾经想过自己有可能会……怀孕吗？”<br>蓦地，Legolas抬起头，盯视了说话人数秒，然后，他笑了，诚实地说，就是歇斯底里的狂笑。“不、可、能！”是在狂笑间隙唯一听得到的词。<br>Legolas走回大家那里，他坐在Aragorn身边，笑声依然没有止住。<br>“什么事这么好笑？”Aragorn问，但他注意到了这笑声中歇斯底里的成分和集中夹杂的越来越多的抽泣。<br>“Gandalf认为我，怀孕了！”Legolas又一次狂笑，泪流满面。然后，他完完全全静了下来，再也不出声了。<br>靠！最近所有的古怪都有了合理的解释：呕吐、背痛、情绪不稳、对食物的强烈渴望。Legolas痛苦地叹息，头埋在双手中。<br>“我、爸、会、宰、了、我、的。” 附上原文,如有译的不妥之处敬请英文高手指教。<br>第三章大人们找费铜。<br><br>The following morning the fellowship were awoken to the sound of Legolas throwing up again, which as you can probably imagine, just isn’t the most pleasant way to wake up. Merry rolled over and looked at Legolas, who was hunched over leaning against a pillar, while emptying his stomach onto the floor in the same place he had the day before. <br>"Bah, all that food gone to waste! If I'd known you were just gonna throw it up afterward Legolas, I'd never have made you any!" the young Hobbit moaned sleepily at him.<br>Legolas finally stopped making lovely wretching sounds, and went back to sit with the fellowship as they packed their stuff away before continuing the journey.<br>Before long, after just one stop to let Legolas throw up again, they made it to Balin's tomb.<br>"Huh, dead dwarves," Legolas said as he glanced around the room. As Gimli was mourning, and Gandalf was reading from the journal, Legolas became faintly aware of a dull thumping sound. He passed it off as it just being himself - maybe he was developing a headache? Of course, once the dull thumping sound turned into what sounded like a teenager bashing hell out of a drum kit, he decided that it was definitely not him.<br>"Uhm, guys... what’s that sound?" he asked, turning to everyone else.<br>The rest of the fellowship, now fully aware of the beating of the drums ran to the door, and began to barricade it. Unfortunately, cave troll + wooden door = door in tiny splinters.<br>Goblins began to pour into the room, and the fellowship fought them off as best they could.<br>Legolas however, due to his supposedly impossible situation, soon had another mood swing. Quite a violent one, too.<br>Legolas gave out a battle cry that sounded more like the battle cry of one of the Orcs, and tore through the offending goblins in a blind rage, firing arrows at point blank range into their heads, his hormonally induced fury making short work of servants of Sauron. The rest of the fellowship stood back and watched him in awe as the adrenaline rush over to him, and he fought to the limit.<br>Aragorn turned to the rest of the group, "Remind me not to get into an argument with him while he's pregnant," he winced as he turned; it seemed Legolas might have broken one of his ribs, "definitely no more fights..."<br>The rest of the fellowship just sniggered at him.<br>After Legolas had dispatched a good few dozen Orcs, they stopped attacking him, and instead, ran for it. Now, as any smart person would know, when scary things get scared, something really bad is gonna happen.<br>Legolas raised an eyebrow at the retreating goblins before running over to the rest of the fellowship and asking, "What are you staring at? Lets *GO* people - move it!" He ushered them out the door, and broke into a run away from whatever had scared the Orcs.<br>******<br>A while later, still in Moria, at the Bridge of Kazad-dum.<br>******<br>"Gandalf! Hurry up!" cried out Frodo, as the Wizard stopped in the middle of the bridge.<br>Gandalf turned to face the Balrog that approached. "You shall not pass!" he cried out, as he crashed his staff down upon the bridge, breaking it in front of him. The Balrog fell into the shadow. But as Gandalf let down his guard, and began to turn away, the Balrog's whip lashed up and grabbed a hold of the Wizard's legs, pulling him over the edge and into the shadow with him. "Fly, you fools!" he called out.<br>The fellowship stood in shock for what seemed like minutes, but was in reality only a few seconds. Then, Aragorn grabbed a hold of Frodo, and dragged him along outside. The rest of the fellowship soon followed.<br>Legolas sat and began to cry - yet another mood swing taking charge of his emotions.<br>"It's not fair," he mumbled, hugging Frodo tightly.<br>"I know Legolas, we're all upset over losing Gandalf," Frodo comforted the poor Elf.<br>"No, it's not that," Legolas whimpered.<br>Frodo arched an eyebrow, "What is it then?"<br>"I haven’t got any food left," Legolas then burst into more tears.<br><br><br> 在Legolas的呕吐声中，众人以这一最不幸的方式迎来了又一轮朝阳。Merry起身，看到Legolas正扶着一根石柱在和昨天一样的地方“清胃”。<br>“唉，所有的粮食都浪费了！早知道你吃什么吐什么，当初我就不该做给你！”还没完全清醒的Merry迷迷糊糊地抱怨。<br>吐过之后，Legolas回到队伍中间，大家继续上路。不久，也就是Legolas刚刚再一次反胃之后，众人来到了Balin之墓。<br>“啊，都是死去的矮人。”Legolas环顾四周。在Gimli恸哭、Gandalf阅读矮人的最后日志时，Legolas隐约觉察到一阵沉闷的鼓声。他没理会，以为他把这归咎为自己的原因——也许又有了头痛的新症状？当然，当这沉闷的“咚咚”声变大到像有人在猛敲架子鼓，他确定这决不是头痛。“呃，我说伙计们……听到了什么声音没有？”他转向大家。众人这才惊觉击鼓声正快速向大门逼近。大家开始合力堵门备战。但不幸的是：山怪 + 木门 = 支离破碎的木头片。 魔兵鱼贯而入，众人全力抵抗。<br>而Legolas呢，则因为他那“理论上根本不可能出现的身体状况”，由眼前的危机引发出又一次情绪失控，当然，也是最暴力的一次。他怪叫一声（一呢日更像是从魔兵嘴里发出来的）冲入敌阵。被盲目的愤怒所驱使，Legolas开始了无差别攻击。这一包含了荷尔蒙因素在内的狂怒沉重地打击了Sauron的喽罗们，一时间目力所及的魔兵都先后被飞箭射爆了头。<br>至于他的同伴们……大家站在角落里望着这位暴走的战神般的精灵，一脸敬畏的样子。看着眼前这令人毛骨悚然的大乱斗情景，Aragorn不禁达了个寒战。他转身对同伴们说：“一定要提醒我千万别在他怀孕期间跟他吵架。”众人只是窃笑不止。<br>在Legolas风卷残云般干掉了一打又一打魔兵后，剩下的魔兵停止了对他的攻击，转身逃掉了。在这种情况下，任何一个明白人都知道：当吓人的东西也开始害怕时，真正恐怖的事情就要发生了。<br>看着敌人夺路而逃，Legolas扬了扬眉，转向众人：“看什么呢你们？走吧，上路了！”他令着队伍出了门，正好碰上了那吓跑了魔兵的Barlrog。<br><br>片刻之后，依然在Moria洞中，Kazad-kum之桥。<br><br>“Gandalf，快呀！！”在巫师停步在桥中之际，Frodo喊道。Gandalf转身面向正在逼近的Balrog。“你休想通过！”随着法杖向桥面毅然决然的一击，Kazad-dum崩塌了，Balrog坠入黑暗。然而正当Gandalf放松戒备，转身准备离开之际，Balrog的长鞭紧紧缠住了巫师的腿，把他拖到深渊的边缘。<br>“快逃啊，这群傻瓜！”这是众人听到的巫师的最后声音。在度秒如分的震惊无语之后，Aragorn一把抓起Frodo，拖住他向外逃去，其他人紧追其后。<br>坐定之后，Legolas哭了起来——又一次的情绪失控。<br>“这不公平！”他紧紧抱住Frodo。<br>“Legolas我明白，对于失去Gandalf我们大家都很悲痛。”Frodo安慰着伤心的精灵。<br>“不是，我不是说这个。”<br>Frodo挑眉：“那是什么？”<br>“咱们的食物没有剩了。”说到伤心之处，Legolas再也抑制不住自己的泪水。又一个可怜荷比特人的袖子成了面纸替代品。 真是搞笑啊！精灵的形象啊…………<br><br>大人的翻译挺不错的啊，润得挺好的挺有表现力的。象那个“忍不住打了个嗝”还有那个“我、爸、会、杀、了、我、的！”，要是我看原文一定想不起用这种方式来强调！！好逗的话啊哈哈<br><br>对了，那个什么“对食物的强烈的渴望”换成“极强烈的食欲”怎么样呵呵 让各位久等了，第六章在此。昨天夜里刚完成的，现在正处于神志不清中。<br><br>Chapter 6<br>“蒙住眼睛？我、不、要！”听到Aragorn为了Gimli要求自己也要没有例外地蒙住眼睛时，精灵清亮却毅然决然的声音想彻Lothlorien。Aragorn开始意识到向Legolas提这样的要求真是不明智。<br>“我得蒙上眼睛，Frodo, Sam, Merry 和Pippin也是，Boromir也是，Gimli也是……所以你也不能例外！”即使精灵那令人屏息的美貌也开始压不住Aragorn现在的火气了。<br>“Legolas，别这样，”Aragorn的声音此时像蜜一样甜，事实上是太甜了，都有点腻了，“你看，其他人都蒙上了眼睛，而且我们也得继续赶路，对不对？乖，把眼睛蒙上，然后咱们就可以出发了。来！”Aragorn一条白色的蒙眼布递到Legolas的面前。<br>盯着这块布，Legolas满眼都是厌恶。忽然，一个主意闪入了他的脑海：妙极了，这招儿肯定管用，Aragorn一定不会逼我蒙眼睛的。<br>“Aragorn，”Legolas平静而温柔地开口了，“你应该不希望我和大家一样待遇吧？我是说，如果我摔倒了怎么办？我可不想伤到孩子——我们的孩子，”为了激发Aragorn的保护欲，他强调重读了“我们的”，“而且，如果Galadriel夫人听到你让自己的骨肉陷入不必要的危险之中的话，她会怎样呢？更别提你背叛了Arwen，还让我怀孕的事了！”这后半句是吼出来的，是为了达到震慑对方的目的。<br>然而，Legolas的计划落空了。而且不幸的是，起了反效果。<br> Aragorn一把抓住了Legolas的手腕，把他拽到身前。然后他拿起了布条，蒙上了Legolas的——嘴，还一边念叨着：“天杀的精灵。，为什么就不能把他们那张大嘴闭上？”<br>Legolas怒火中烧地瞪着Aragorn。“死定了你，混蛋Aragorn！”他这样恨恨地想着。正在此时，不幸的事发生了。（当然也许是幸运的事，这取决于你思考的角度。）Legolas的情绪又失控了。燃烧的怒火被闪烁的泪光取代。当他抬头用那双充满了悲伤与恳求的眼睛望着Aragorn时，泪水如同断了线的珠子般滑落脸颊。Aragorn根本无法拒绝那双无助又哀伤的眼睛……我应该……不，我不能……但我别无选择……当他再一次对上那盈满了悲伤的蓝色深潭，他觉得自己所有的矛盾都土崩瓦解，溶了，化了。轻轻地，他解开了蒙在精灵嘴上的布。似乎忘记了当初是谁先使用了暴力手段，Legolas紧紧拥住了这个可怜的人类。<br>一番周折之后，Aragorn总算说服Legolas蒙上了眼睛。Hadir带领一行人前往Lorien腹地，每当他瞥到Legolas时，就会忍不住窃笑出声。每一次，Legolas都试图狠狠瞪向笑声传来的方向，但他似乎没意识到在双眼蒙上的状况下，这实在起不到什么效果。<br>到达Lorien的中心后，众人的眼睛终于得以重见光明。Hadir引领大家登上长长的楼梯，一直向上他们就能见到Celeborn和 Galadriel了。<br>众人一直向上攀登着，当然中途因为Legolas抱怨背痛停了几次。Pippin走在Legolas的后面，在这个粗神经的荷比特人不小心踩到Legolas身上之前，他被Aragorn揪着领子提溜了起来。“敢往他身上踩啊小子？你已经死了。”（别怀疑，这是当时他的原话。）在Frodo给Legolas做了简单的背部按摩后，（当然由于这一举动Frodo受到了Aragorn无比严厉的怒视或者妒视）大家继续上路了。终于，众人到达了树顶。这是一间明亮的客厅，墙壁和天花板上都装饰了典雅华丽的精灵族雕刻。Lwgolas肯定会喜欢这些艺术品的，当然，如果他注意得到的话。事实上，因为正忙于抱怨自己的辘辘饥肠，他什么都没注意到。<br>这时，Galadriel出现了。她缓步走下台阶，目光依次扫过每个来访者。她凝视了Legolas几秒后，继续看向下一个人。突然，她停住了，目光又重新锁定Legolas。她迷惑地睁大了双眼。“噢，我的天哪！”是她又一次凝视这位精灵王子时嘴里蹦出的第一句话。Aragorn打了个冷战，压抑着遁地潜逃或人间蒸发的冲动，队伍中的其他人则开始考虑马上卷包向后转各自回家的问题。Legolas抬眼望着Galadriel，耸了耸肩。<br><br> “噢，我的天哪！”<br> 当Legolas以外的众人明智地逃遁到客厅角落之后，Celeborn充满困惑地叹道。<br> “怎么回事儿？”他毫无头绪地问妻子。<br> “他、他、他……”Galadriel似乎暂时失去了组词构句的能力，在停顿了数秒后，她深吸了一口气，道：“他，怀孕了。”<br>Celeborn盯着妻子，脸上写满了“你喝高了吧睡过了吧开玩笑的吧不是当真的吧”，但又看了Legolas一眼后，他意识到妻子说的没错。<br>“但是……原理？”Celeborn的语气中掩饰不住的惊诧莫名和不可置信。<br>“呃，我希望您和Galadriel夫人会告诉我这是怎么一回事……”Legolas满怀希望地望向Celeborn和Galadriel。<br>“很抱歉Legolas，”Galadriel道，Legolas眼中希望的光芒暗淡了下去，“我们也和你一样迷惑，但我们会尽力帮你找出原因的。”<br>Aragorn长舒了一口气：Galadriel似乎没发现也没注意孩子的父亲是谁。耶！<br>“哦，对了Legolas，这孩子的父亲是谁？”在领着Legolas出门去找资料时Galadriel问。本来正准备跟着去的Aragorn一听这话，电光石火地转身向相反的方向大步走去，嘴里还一边咒骂着什么。<br>“呃，这个并不是最重要的吧，眼下还是先解决为什么会这样这个问题吧。”Legolas尽力让自己的语气轻松随意，但事实上这可怜的精灵话语中充满了紧张和不安。不能让Galadriel发现Aragorn是孩子的父亲，是的，决不能——他爸的狂怒他可以平息，甚至Elrond发飙他也能够应付——但至于一位拥有三大精灵魔戒之一水戒奈尼亚的强大女巫？算了吧，这完全超出他能力之外，他连试都不想试。<br>Galadriel怀疑地看着Legolas，但她并不想逼他回答。在乱世中保护一枚精灵魔戒的安全他做得到，把宝贝女儿远嫁给Elrond她也没问题——但至于一位怀了孕的男性精灵？算了吧，即使是一位强大的女巫也不是全能的。<br>“好吧，你们跟我来。”<Aragorn最后终于还是战胜了恐惧和Legolas一起赴汤蹈火去了。>他们走过了一条长长的走廊，然后向上走了一段，然后下楼，然后拐弯，然后穿一条密道，然后再向下……反正当到达目的地时，Legolas和Aragorn已经完全晕头转向，更别提怎么回去了。<br>他们现在所处的是Lorien大图书馆，中洲最大的藏书库之一，事实上仅次于Gondor的书库。他们一迈进门槛，立刻有一位图书管理员走了过来。“Mae govenna!”她殷勤地致意，但当她注意到Aragorn时，立即把话换成了人类语，她并不知道这个人类男子是精灵抚养大的，说得一口流利的精灵语。而Aragorn和Legolas此时正沉浸在对这图书馆之大的惊叹震撼中，根本都没注意到这位工作人员在说话。Galadriel招呼她：“Alquawen，找一下关于精灵生物学和精灵生育知识的相关资料，我们有一些棘手的问题需要答案。” Alquawen的眼中闪过一丝疑惑，带领一行三人（当然，实际上是四人，如果算上宝宝的话）来到生物分部。很快，她找到了所需的资料。“就是它了。”Alquawen从架上取下一本厚厚的大书，棕色皮封面上印着昆雅语的“高级精灵生物学——种族繁衍卷”几个烫金大字。<br>“喔，封面多漂亮！”Legolas边说边找张椅子坐下。他乖乖坐着坚持不到五秒，事实上从他一坐下就开始皱着眉环视四周，Aragorn奇怪地看着他。<br>“怎么了？”Aragorn搬了把椅子在Legolas身边坐下。<br>又四下看了一眼后，Legolas倾向Aragorn小声问：“你知道洗手间在哪儿吗？我有点恶心。”但是，他的声音还不够轻——Alquawen听到了。“哦，往这边，我带你去。”她温柔地拉着Legolas的手走了，留下了Aragorn和Galadriel。<br>Galadriel又从架上取下一本标着“罕见及疑难杂症的治疗及研究”的大书递给坐在对面的Aragorn，自己开始查阅另一本。<br>Aragorn看到第二页时，Legolas步履轻快地回来了，在Aragorn肩上捏了一把后坐在了他身边。<br>Aragorn挑眉看向Legolas：“你好象挺……高兴的。”<br>Legolas朝Aragorn笑了笑。他拿起面前的书，翻了两页后又轻轻地放回原处。头枕在手上，他舒舒服服地坐在椅子里，看了看Aragorn，又把右手轻轻放下来感受腹中生命的悸动。（此处有必要介绍一点精灵生理学。精灵的妊娠期相当于人类的2/3，即只持续八个月，因此Legolas三个月的身孕就相当于人类四个半月了。）<br>轻蹙眉头，Legolas说：“我想我需要去买东西。”<br>“为什么？”当听到“购物”这个让天下男人心怀恐惧避之不及的词时，Aragorn抬眼望向Legolas。<br>翻了翻眼睛，Legolas指着肚子：“你、说、呢？”<br>“啊，啊，是啊，对——”Aragorn明白了，而且他同时也领悟到此时如果不提供精神上物质上帮助的话毫无疑问他将遭受惨烈的肉体伤害。“呃，你需要钱么？我陪你一起去，帮你提东西？”<br>Galadriel扬了扬眉看着两人，但没说话。<br>Legolas眼中闪过嘲笑。“我父亲是Mirkwood的国王，Aragorn！我有足、够、的钱给我自己和孩子置办东西。不过，我仍然接受你的帮助。“精灵王子满脸笑意地望着Aragorn。回了一个微笑，Aragorn把注意力拉回到书上。<br>“也许让Aragorn做孩子的父亲也没那么坏？”Legolas这样想着`。很快地，他意识到自己刚才犯了一个致命的错误。战战兢兢地，他把双眼迎向Galadriel。这下麻烦大了，不过Aragorn的处境更糟——他孩子父亲的身份似乎已经暴露了。<br>Galadriel了然地瞪大了双眼，下巴由于过度震惊掉到了底上，她的目光由Legolas转向了仍是一脸茫然的Aragorn身上。<br>“怎么了？”不明所以的人类不解地问。<br>Legolas转向他，眼中的惊恐已到了爆发的边缘：“快跑，ARAGORN！”<br><br>TBC……<br><br>后记：<br> 终于打完了！手都快碎了我……下一章是Galadriel高贵典雅形象全毁的一章，就交给费铜大人了。不过有一个不幸的消息要告诉各位还在关注此连载的看官们，由于原作者的关系，在下目前手里的资料就只到下一章。不过，只要今后发现原作者又在继续写了，在下还会翻下去的。等不及的就给原作者发信催稿吧（她的E-mail地址费铜大人第一张帖上好像贴了） 这是在下这一章和费铜大人没贴的第五章的原文，还是请英文高手指教。<br><br>Later that day, having resumed their travel, the company arrived at Nimrodel. Legolas was in a particularly good mood, having been reassured before hand that they would get some food when they got to Lothlorien. This resulted in Legolas speeding up quite drastically, and having to be called to a halt a dozen times during the day's walk. <br><br>Legolas looked at the stream and felt light-hearted and happy. The smallest of things was effecting his mood now; a remark taken out of turn would result in tears, or a violent response, and slight smells would result in him pining for food. Even he was getting irritated by his behavior. Once the company had cross the stream, Legolas turned back to it.<br><br>"Ah, I feel like singing one of the songs of the maiden Nimrodel, an Elven woman who lived beside the stream long ago," Legolas opened his mouth to sing, but suddenly the urge to throw up over whelmed him. His eyes widened, and he clapped one hand to his mouth, gesturing wildly for everyone to get out of his way with the other. He moved quickly to the side of the stream, and promptly threw up in it. Everyone else grimaced and turned away.<br><br>"Uurrgghhh," Legolas groaned as he stopped throwing up, and rinsed his face with some of the clean water.<br><br>He stood up, and motioned for everyone to continue. And they did, with the grimaces still fixed on their faced.<br><br>After a short while, they came across Haldir and his brothers, and climbed up some trees to spend the night there.<br><br>"What’s wrong with you?" Haldir asked Legolas, "You look like death warmed up!"<br><br>"You'll laugh if I tell you," Legolas said.<br><br>"No I wont! I promise." Haldir replied.<br><br>"Okay - I'm pregnant." answered Legolas<br><br>The sounds of Haldir's laughter filled the woods, causing Legolas to hold his head in his hands.<br><br>"See, I did say 'You'll laugh if I tell you,' but did you listen? Nooo..." Legolas was in full on moaning and complaining mood now, "My god it’s uncomfortable in this tree – don’t you have any cushions?" he asked.<br><br>Haldir raised an eyebrow at him, "You're telling the truth," he stated a-matter-of-factly as he stared at Legolas.<br><br>"Of course I am! Why would I lie about being pregnant?!" Legolas hissed at him.<br><br>Haldir flinched, "Sorry, didn’t mean anything by it," he quickly apologized, "it's just that, y'know, guys don’t usually end up pregnant."<br><br>"Yes, I know that," Legolas rolled his eyes, "I'm hoping that Galadriel will be able to help me."<br><br>Haldir nodded, "Well, best get some rest for tonight; we'll head out tomorrow to take you all to see the Lady Galadriel." <br><br>Then, everyone went to sleep... well, all except Aragorn that was. He was wide awake, and biting his nails. Galadriel was going to seriously kill him; even more so than Arwen was. He was going to have the entire Elven population of Middle Earth after his blood. He was in no mood to sleep thanks to those prospects.<br><br>******<br>The Follwing Morning<br>*****<br><br>Legolas yawned, and stretched out in a very cat-like way. He sat up, and rubbed his eyes slightly. He was in a very good mood for a change; he didn’t feel sick as he usually did in the morning, in fact, he felt absolutely fantastic. He smiled brightly and climbed down the tree, to find the Hobbits sitting there cooking some food.<br><br>Legolas frowned at them, "You know, you could burn yourself while cooking; why not let me do it?" he volunteered.<br><br>The hobbits turned at stared at him.<br><br>Legolas made his way over, and ushered the four Hobbits away from the fire. "It's very dangerous having open fires like this, boys," he sat them down in a row 2 foot away from the fire. He then turned back, and started to cook the bacon, eggs and bread that the Hobbits had obviously kept hidden from him while in Moria.<br><br>When he was done, he dished the food out to each of the Hobbits, making sure they had fair shares each. "Careful now, it's hot!" he warned them.<br><br>"Uhm, Legolas?" Frodo asked, as he glanced up from his food.<br><br>"Yes Frodo?" Legolas said with a smile.<br><br>"You know I'm 51 don’t you? I'm not a child..." he said slowly, eyeing Legolas to make sure his words were not causing offence. "You don’t need to look after us all like this.. we can.." Frodo stopped as Legolas's face turned upside down and tears began to form in his eyes. "It's not that we don’t appreciate it, really!" he said, trying amend the damage before it was too late. Unfortunately, it was too late.<br><br>"You don’t care about me!" Legolas said, beginning to sob again, "I'm only trying to help, trying to make sure you're all safe, but no..." he paused and blew his nose, "You just reject me!" he started to cry again.<br><br>All the Hobbits looked at each other. Then Frodo made the mistake of putting his arm on Legolas's shoulder in a comforting move. Before he knew it, the poor Hobbit was being crushed to death in one of Legolas's extremely powerful hugs. He was also being covered in tears and having his shirt used as a tissue.<br><br>"He-lp," Frodo managed to breath out to his friends, "Ca-n’t br-ea-the". The other Hobbits looked at him with sad faces, and shrugged. Sam mouthed 'sorry' to him.<br><br>Luckily, at that moment, Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Haldir and his brothers appeared from their trees, and pried Frodo from Legolas's tight grasp. Frodo thanked them profusely, and decided to make sure he kept a good distance from Legolas for the rest of the day.<br><br>****** 真恐怖,原文的这张帖居然一次贴不下&*%#$@~*$%&# OK,这里是今次这章的原文.<br>(又试了一次依然贴不下OK,OK再分一次,这是<上>,一会儿是下,再不行就把我K.O掉算了)<br><br>"I am NOT being blindfolded!" Legolas's voice ran clear through the woods of Lothlorien in reply to Aragorn's request that the pregnant Elf be blindfolded so that Gimli would also be blindfolded. He was starting to realize that it was a bad idea to request such a thing of Legolas.<br><br>"I'm being blindfolded - Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin are being blindfolded, Boromir is being blindfolded, Gimli is being blindfolded... and so are you!" Aragorn was also beginning to lose his temper with the blond beauty. <br><br>"Please," Aragorn's voice was now sugar sweet... so sugar sweet infact, it was almost sickly. "Everyone else is being blindfolded, and we all need to get going. So put your blindfold on, and lets get moving," Aragorn held the scrap of white cloth out to Legolas.<br><br>Legolas looked at the cloth with distaste. Suddenly, an idea dawned on him. It was perfect, it was sure to work; he would make sure Aragorn wouldn’t force him to wear a blindfold.<br><br>"Aragorn," Legolas said quietly and sweetly, "surely you don’t want me to wear this blindfold? I mean, what if I were trip and fall? I could hurt the baby - OUR baby," he emphasized on the 'our' to pull on Aragorn's protectiveness, "And surely, if Lady Galadriel were to hear that you had unnecessarily put your child in danger, she would be angry... more angry than she will be just from hearing about the fact you cheated on Arwen with me, and now I'm pregnant!" He shouted the last part at Aragorn, hoping that it would scare him, and make him let Legolas walk without a blindfold.<br><br>Unfortunately for Legolas, his plan didn’t work. It only succeeded in making Aragorn angry at him.<br><br>Aragorn grabbed Legolas's wrist, and pulled him over. He then took the blindfold, but instead of placing it over the Elven Prince's eyes, he used it to gag Legolas, while mumbling words along the lines of "damn Elves," and how they "can’t keep their big mouths shut."<br><br>Legolas's eyes burned with fury as he looked at Aragorn. 'He will pay for this,' the Elf thought to himself. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on which way you look at it) Legolas's mood took another swing, and he stopped being angry.<br><br>Tears welled up in his bright blue eyes, and his anger crumbled. He looked at Aragorn with pleading eyes as the tears began to roll. Aragorn was unable to resist the Elven prince looking too helpless and sad... he had to... no, he mustn’t... but he had no choice... he looked into those eyes again, and felt his resolve liquidised. Muttering to himself about having willpower the strength of a wet paper towel, he ungagged the pregnant Elf.<br><br>Legolas, seemingly having forgotten that it was Aragorn who gagged him in the first place, latched onto the poor human, and hugged him tightly.<br>------<br><br>After a little while, Aragorn finally managed to get Legolas to put the blindfold on, after the tears had subsided enough for Legolas to do so.<br><br>Haldir lead the group through the Forest toward the city, occasionally sniggered or giggling whenever he glanced at Legolas. Legolas tried to glare each time he heard the laughter, but it was pretty tricky to do so with a blindfold covering his eyes.<br><br>After a good while, they came into the city, and had their blindfolds removed. Haldir instructed them to go up some steps, and that they would reach a chamber at the top of them where the Lady Galadriel was waiting for them.<br><br>So, up the stairs they went, though they did have to stop half way up when Legolas started complaining of backache, and demanded a massage.<br><br>Pippin offered to walk on Legolas's back, but Aragorn had picked him up by the collar before he managed to set foot on the Elf. "Stand on Legolas, and die," I believe were the correct words Aragorn used, but they were hissed and growled so badly, I can’t be sure.<br><br>After Legolas had a quick backrub from Frodo (who did so while on the receiving end of some rather nasty glared from Aragorn), they picked up the climb again. When they finally reached the top, they found themselves in a bright white chamber, with beautiful Elven carving on the walls and ceiling. Of course, Legolas would have loved this had he noticed, however he was too busy complaining that he was hungry so much that one would have mistaken him for Pippin, that he missed all the beautiful architecture.<br><br>Then, Galadriel appeared at the top of some stairs leading into the main area of the chamber.<br><br>She began to walk down the stairs, looking into the eyes of each of the Fellowship as she walked.<br><br>Her eyes fixed on Legolas for a second, and then moved on. Suddenly, she stopped, and her eyes returned to Legolas. She looked confused for a second, and then he eyes widened.<br><br>"OH-MY-GOD!" were the words that first escaped her lips, as she was focused on the Elven Prince. Aragorn winced, and the rest of the fellowship began to think about coming back later. Legolas just looked up, and shrugged at her.<br><br>****** 第六章<下>的原文."OH-MY-GOD!"<br><br>As the other members of the fellowship slinked away, Celeborn's face filled with puzzlement.<br><br>"What is it?" Celeborn asked his wife cluelessly.<br><br>"He's-he's-he's..." Galadriel seemed to have momentarily lost the ability to form sentences, so she paused and took a deep breath. "He's pregnant."<br><br>Celeborn stared at her with a 'you're on pipe weed' look on his face, but once he looked at Legolas again, he realized it was true.<br><br>"But... how?" Celeborn asked in a shocked and amazed tone.<br><br>"Well, I was kind of hoping you'd tell me that part..." Legolas said, looking up at them hopefully through his eyelashes.<br><br>"I'm sorry Legolas," said Galadriel. The hope drained from Legolas's eyes, "But I'm as puzzled as you are as to how or why this has came to be, but I shall endeavor to find out for you."<br><br>Aragorn let out a sigh of relief; Galadriel didn’t seem to know, nor care about who the father of the child was.<br><br>"By the way Legolas, are you aware of who the father is?" Galadriel asked as she turned to lead him out to find some research material. Aragorn, who was about to follow, quickly stopped and turned around to walk away in the opposite direction while muttering curses under his breath.<br><br>"Well Galadriel, it is not of that much importance really - lets just focus on finding out how this is possible first before discussing the matter of who the father is," Legolas said trying to sound casual, but failing miserably and sounding quite nervous indeed. He really didn’t need Galadriel finding out that Aragorn was the father - his father being severely angry he could deal with, even Elrond on his case he could handle - but an all powerful *female* Sorceress, who possesses one of the three Elven rings? No... that he could NOT deal with, nor did he have any desire to try to.<br><br>Galadriel eyed him suspiciously, but decided not to push him into answering. Being given one of the three Elven rings she could handle, learning that her daughter was going to marry Elrond, she could deal with - but an annoyed pregnant male Elf? No, even a Sorceress has her limits.<br><br>"Okay, follow me," Galadriel said as she lead them out of the chamber, and up some stairs. She then led them along a corridor. And then up some more stairs. And then down some stairs. And then around a corner. And then through a hidden passageway. And then down some more stairs. Needless to say, when they finally got to where they were going, they had no idea where they were, nor how to get back.<br><br>And where they were going was to the Library Of Lorien; one of the biggest libraries in Middle Earth, second only to the Library of Gondor in fact. But, as none of you have been there, and so don’t know how big that library is... lets just say it's pretty big.<br><br>When they entered the library, they were immediately approached by one of the librarians.<br><br>"Mae govennan!" the librarian greeted them, but upon noticing Aragorn, she reverted to the common tongue. She couldn’t be blamed really - he was human, and she didn’t know that he'd actually been raised by Elves, and therefore spoke Elvish fluently.<br><br>"Hello, my name is Alquawen, are you looking for anything specific in the library?" she asked in a sweet and bubbly voice.<br><br>Legolas and Aragorn were too busy staring up and around the large space that was the Library to notice Alquawen speaking. Galadriel nodded to her, "Books on Elvish biology and reproduction; we have a somewhat unusual problem that needs explaining."<br><br>Alquawen nodded with a slightly puzzled look, and lead the group of three (well, four really, if you include the baby) to the biology section of the Library. After a quick glance around the shelves, she found what she was looking for.<br><br>"A-ha!" she pulled a book from the shelf. It was a very big book; Alquawen needed to use both hands to lift it, and that was with her Elven strength. On the front of the tan leather bound book were the words "Advanced Elven Biology - Reproduction" written in Quenya (it's a very old book) in a fancy golden script.<br><br>"Ooohh, thats a pretty cover!" Legolas commented as he took a seat at one of the research tables. He sat still for less than 5 seconds. He was almost immediately fidgeting, and glancing around uncomfortably with a frown on his face. Aragorn gave him a funny look.<br><br>"What is it?" the man asked as he took a seat next to Legolas.<br><br>Legolas looked around once more before leaning over to Aragorn and quietly asking, "Do you know where the toilet is in this place?" Fortunately, he didn’t ask it quiet enough in order for Aragorn to be the only person to hear it - Alquawen over heard him.<br><br>"Oh, the toilet is this way, follow me," the young Elf took Legolas by the hand, and gently pulled him to his feet. She then led him off in the direction of the toilets, leaving Aragorn alone with Galadriel.<br><br>Galadriel scanned the shelves once more and pulled out a large book labelled "Unusual and Rare Medical and Health Problems." She then took a seat opposite Aragorn at the table. She handed him a book to read through.<br><br>Aragorn was half way down the second page when Legolas returned with a bounce in his step, and sat down next to Aragorn - though not before giving the human's shoulders a quick squeeze.<br><br>Aragorn raised an eyebrow at the bouncy Elf, "You seem... cheerful," he said in an amused tone.<br><br>Legolas just smiled and picked a book off the pile in front of him. He quickly scanned through the first few pages, barely reading a word, before lightly snapping the book closed and throwing it gently back onto the table. He then leaned back in his chair, and swung his legs around, and over the arm rest so he was facing Aragorn. He then moved his right hand onto his stomach and gently felt the slight bump.<br><br>Now, I feel there is a little explanation in order about Elven physiology. Elven pregnancies are MUCH shorter than Human ones; they're 2/3 the length. This means that Elven pregnancies last 6 months. Now Legolas got knocked up in November - it's now Febuary. So, although Legolas is actually 3 months pregnant, it's more like 4 and a half months pregnant in human terms.<br><br>Legolas frowned, "I'm going to need to go shopping," he stated. <br><br>"Why?" Aragorn asked, glancing up from his book having heard that word dreaded by males in this world and the next: "shopping"<br><br>Legolas rolled his eyes and pointed at his stomach, "Why do you think?"<br><br>"Ooohh, right," Aragorns eyes lit up with realization. He also decided that not offering help and money would result in grievous bodily harm. "Do you need any money to buy the stuff with? And do you want me to help you carry what you buy?"<br><br>Galadriel raised an eyebrow, but kept quiet.<br><br>Legolas scoffed at Aragorns remark, "I am a Prince, Aragorn! I have *plenty* of money with which to buy clothes for myself, and clothes for the baby, but I do accept your offer of help." The Elven Prince smiled at Aragorn. <br><br>Aragorn smiled in return, and turned his gaze back to the book.<br><br>'Maybe Aragorn won’t make so much of a bad father after all?' Legolas thought to himself. As soon as he'd done it, he knew he'd made a mistake. Legolas's fear filled eyes turned to Galadriel as his mouth opened as if to say something, though no sound was made. He was in deep trouble, though Aragorn was in much more - He'd thought about who the father was in the presence of Galadriel.<br><br>Galadriel's eyes widened in realization, and her mouth dropped open in shock. Her eyes turned from Legolas's and met with a puzzled Aragorn's eyes.<br><br>"What?" the man asked cluelessly.<br><br>Legolas turned to him, his eyes bright blue eyes filled to the brim with fear, and he shouted "RUN ARAGORN!"<br><br>******页:
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